In Lists We Trust

{The sixth installment in the In ____We Trust Series}

Glad to welcome Dana from Living in My Freedom to the blog today. She says: "I am a mother of four teenagers and married to an incredible man for 19 years. Life up to this point has been an adventure with so many stories to tell. I hope God can use my life's story to reach others and make an impact for the Kingdom."
dana

I used to pride myself on the lists I could make and accomplish. Did you see that “pride myself” part? Yea… how many times have we all said that phrase? I’ll give you a little insight into my prideful list making. Consider if this hits a nerve with you.

In the morning, I’d get my handy little note pad, with lines of course, and make my list of duties for the day. These were things I wanted to accomplish and would feel good if everything was crossed off, especially if I could do it by 3pm because then I could enter into the super-mom realm.  I would list them, sometimes alphabetically, in order of importance and by category… control-freak anyone?

In case you are wondering, my grocery lists were in categories, by isle of the store. I had a separate list of dinners for the week.

Here’s the kicker though, when I crossed things off the list, my “worthy meter” would go up a little. My worthy meter determined my worthiness of love, acceptance and ability to contribute to life.  Achievement based, conditional love.

So the major issue and fear I faced at the end of the day was if there were things I could not accomplish, I felt like the day was a failure…. actually that I was, in fact, a failure. If my list was completed I’d wave it around like an Olympian gold medal, shaking my little imaginary empty cup for others to fill it full of love and worthiness. If I didn’t finish the whole list, no one saw the list, even the things I’d done, I’d sulk and be surly to my family, which was an expression of how worthless I felt inside.

My worthy-meter determined my worthiness of love, acceptance, and ability to contribute to life.

I am so excited to report that Christ didn’t let me sink in that pit of feeling unworthy!!

worthy complete

He came to my rescue and I learned about my true worth in Christ. I have known for years in my head, it just hadn’t translated to my perfectionist, overachieving heart.

God’s Word says the following about me, oh and by the way…I can do nothing to earn it!

  • I am the apple of His eye- Zechariah 2:8
  • I am a Saint- Ephesians 2:19
  • I am redeemed and forgiven (Hallelujah!)- Ephesians 1:7
  • I am free from condemnation- Romans 8:1
  • I am established, anointed and sealed by God- 2 Corinthians 1:21-22
  • and most of all I am complete in Christ! – Colossians 2:10

Before you head into a place where you feel sorry for my feelings of worthlessness or identify and maybe think it’s not that bad…it was sin, plain and simple.

My inflated pride of thinking I was something and could earn God’s love fueled my clear unbelief of who God says I am through Christ. The fact that I called myself worthless when Christ called me worthy of dying for (and not believing that I am complete in Him) altered my view of my identity.

I had idolized the list! Placing the list above God.

god is god

What broke me free from worthlessness, list making, and achievement-based love was confession and then choosing to believe God.

Once I chose to believe what God says in His Word, He then did the work of sanctifying me through and through.

I have made a reference of scriptures identifying who I am as a new creation in Christ. I try to read them every day to ingrain into my heart so I have a new go-to thought for when Satan tries to tempt me to think the old thoughts.

When it creeps up on me I have a little statement I say-

God is God and the list is not!

By God’s power I overcame this! Now I find that when I fall, my reaction time to recognizing the drifting away from having God on the throne is much quicker. It’s so much easier to turn around and change directions now that I have confessed, repented and asked God to change my heart and mind.

I still love an organized spreadsheet or an organized list, that’s how God created me and I have learned to love it! However, it no longer has power over me. Christ broke the power of sin and shame and gave me the Holy Spirit to empower me to resist the devil!

Romans 6:14~  For sin will not rule over you, because you are not under law but under grace.

Are you idolizing something over God? Are you struggling to believe what God says about you? Seek God’s face, search Him out in His Word, it was written for you. It has every answer you need for your life today!

For the next few weeks, guests will be writing each Monday on something (or someone) we tend to trust in besides God. 

What about you? How do you fill in the blank: In ______ I Trust?

This post will also be shared on: #TestimonyTuesday, #RaRaLinkup, #Intentionally Pursuing, #WomenWithIntention, #TellHiStory, #Thought-Provoking Thursday, #DanceWithJesus, #LLMLinkup, Faith-Filled Friday, Sitting Among Friends, and #SoulSurvivalLinkup.

In Control We Trust

{The fifth installment in the In ____We Trust Series}

If I were in charge everything would be okay. People would do I want them to do, and since I generally care about some people, some people would be better off for it.

I would have everything I think I need, really hard stuff wouldn’t happen, and easier hard stuff I’d keep around to make myself sharp. I’d have no reason to worry and I’d feel fulfilled.

If I were in control.

That’s what I want to believe. More importantly, that’s what trusting in control has me assuming. Too often my life is based on that “if.”  I tell myself: If I were control, I’d have what I need to be okay.

But, control is a lie. It’s an illusion.

None of us are really sure what everything being okay would look like.

We can’t even a little bit grasp how to make everything okay for everyone at the same time. I’m even sure that we are incapable of consistently choosing the best for others, no matter how good our intentions may be.

There’s a reason for this: we’re sinners.

If we were in control, sin would be reigning. Because, let me repeat, we’re sinners in a world skewed by sin.

That we aren’t in control is actually a blessing.

in control we trust

What trusting in our own control really comes down to is trusting in an illusion instead of trusting in God. Illusions aren’t sustainable and can’t function fully. They are, at best, lies.

Proverbs 30:8 says:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.”

The poverty and riches rejected here are examples of forms of control we are deceived by.

Isn’t it often in gaining riches of information, money, relationships, etc., that we believe we gain control over our lives?

But wisdom here is clear: these forms of control are elusive illusions.

We don’t actually need them. They can’t actually offer us fulfillment or make life okay. It doesn’t matter what we gain control over: it won’t be enough.

We do well to ask only for our daily bread.

To have only our daily bread is to have only what we really need to live well. Notice also that our daily bread is given. Specifically by the one who is in control of everything.

control

Seeking control over more than our portion is seeking to have something more than what God has given. This conveys that in our hearts, we don’t find God to be enough. Through this, we deny the reality of God’s perfect control over everything.

There are consequences for trusting in control, or anything we seek to gain apart from God’s giving. The rest of the verse reinforces this:

“Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you

and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’

Or I may become poor and steal,

and so dishonor the name of my God.”

-Proverbs 30:9

When we live in pursuit of a false power like control, we stop living in pursuit of the Lord. We’re deceived into believing that what we’re going to gain will be enough or will justify our sinful means.

But the “end,”or the “reward” of control, is disappointing.  

Because ultimately, trusting in control means trusting in ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I really disappoint myself when I get what I want. It’s crushing when at the end of all that toil, all I get is more of what I already have: worries, concerns, responsibilities, weaknesses, and sin.

That’s the stuff we’re made out of, folks.

Unless we’re stuffed full of Jesus. Unless He’s reigning on “our” thrones. Unless we recognize that when we fight Him for control we’re trying to take over a ship we don’t know how to steer. And don’t know the course for. Or the goal.

Take a breath and let it go. Thank Him that He knows where we’re going and how to get there. Thank Him that our daily bread is enough.

Praise Him that we don’t have to live by elusive illusion, but can live abundantly by faith.

Praise Him that He has got all of it under control, so we don’t have to. He guarantees it will all be more than good: it will be perfectly completed in Him!

For the next few weeks, guests will be writing each Monday on something (or someone) we tend to trust in besides God. 

What about you? How do you fill in the blank: In ______ I Trust?

This post will also be shared on: #TestimonyTuesday, #RaRaLinkup, #Intentionally Pursuing, #WomenWithIntention, #TellHiStory, #Thought-Provoking Thursday, #DanceWithJesus, #LLMLinkup and #SoulSurvivalLinkup.